It has been over 30 years since my 9-month-old baby girl died and I am okay. Now it is surreal that 5 years have passed since my 24-year-old son died by suicide. I am okay – for the most part.
This morning, I paused to reflect on my son, his life and where I am now. At the tree dedication at his favorite skate park, friends and family wrote on note cards their favorite memories of him. In reading their notes, I was brought to tears because I saw my son through other people’s eyes, as a friend to them, more than a son to me.
… I “crashed” at the Green house all the time. I got to know Connor better and he was so genuinely sweet at heart …
… I will never forget Connor’s free spirit and the energy he shared with all …
… Sweet Connor!!! The nicest boy in the neighborhood …
… Connor and I met probably working the worst job. A blessing to share that experience and lucky enough to become good friends.
… My favorite memory is cooking breakfast with you and dancing in the kitchen …
… Having you stay overnight at my house and having a dance party with your sisters …
… Discussing new metal bands …
… We were hanging out and stumbled across a skunk and Connor was so chill in that moment. Because of his calmness we never got sprayed …
… Connor’s smile was full of charm – even as a baby …
… We celebrate you and proudly wear Tie-Dye in your memory. The colors alone shout for joy!!! …
… I always wanted Connor to be my own real brother …
… Thank you so much for all that you taught me and continue to teach me …
… What has always stuck with me about Connor is how he could never pass up on chocolate milk at any restaurant …
… I will never forget you chasing my cat around and putting a cape on him just so you could send a pic to me …
… I miss you jamming in my car on the way home …
… He had a beautiful soul and touched so many people’s lives …
… Connor was the ultimate hyper machine. He always had energy and helped me feel better …
… I have some of the best memories skateboarding and drawing with him …
… He was one of the first people to reach out to me at Cornerstone and share life stories …
… He would greet me with a witty comment, and I tried to be prepared with a fun comeback …
Thank you to all those who shared their memories and continue to think of Connor.
Reading these memories has brought tears to my eyes – for my son in life brought out the good in people, inspired them and he genuinely cared about others. I will spend the day with my daughter and wrap Tie-Dye ribbons around his memorial tree. If the weather is nice, I will be lucky enough to watch kids at the skate park. I will remember my son, his smile, his hugs, his laughter and most likely will mix in some more tears. Just because I cry, does not mean I am not okay. Tears are natural. I will always miss my son.
Connor Bray Green March 7, 1994 – December 14, 2018
“I love you to the stars and back.” The last words I heard from Connor.
“Times three.” The last words I said to my beloved son. I am forever grateful for the time we had together.
#suicide
#childloss
#mother
#love
#skateboard
