You may have recently had an eye-opening experience such as the loss of a child. Along with it comes grief, despair, lost hope, confusion and uncertainty. I felt those and so many more after my son Connor passed away. He was my only son. He was growing into the man I dreamed he would be. That is forever gone. Forever taken away. I didn’t know what the future held for me.
I’ve been talking with some other grieving mothers about whether or not they think they will ever experience joy again. What they shared with me surprised me. Ninety percent told me they thought joy was long gone, they would never experience it once more. It was gone forever since they lost their child. The other ten percent said yes, they either have been joyful or expect that joy will return at some point.
This got me to thinking about loss as an eye-opening experience, how I responded to it and where I am today relative to that response. It is true, grief can leave you in an uphill struggle but even in the deepest despair, there is hope.
It is all about a choice I made in the beginning. I had two choices on how I could react to my loss. The first was to sit in despair, confusion and uncertainty. My other choice was to decide to grow from what happened. I decided to grow and learn from this tragedy.
I want to share that I grieve for my son. I miss him every day. I also know that he made the decision to take his life. I didn’t make that decision. As hard as it is to say, I can’t allow his decision to impact me so deeply that I lose control of my future, my dreams and my life. I have 2 grown girls and grandkids to be around for. I also have me to live for. I am important. I deserve happiness.
I believe Connor wants me to carry on. He wants me to be happy. He is sorry that I am experiencing pain and sadness. If the tables were turned and I was the one to have passed, I want my family to remember me and miss me yet move forward with their life. I would not want theirs to stop because mine did.
I’ve had many people ask me how I could possibly even think about being joyful when my child is gone. How could I not feel guilty for him taking his life? How do I dare laugh and smile?
I found joy in spite of my sadness. I have joy and grief at the same time. However, joy is not easy to come by. It does not come by wishing it. It does not come by a magic wand. It takes work. It takes a mental mindset. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes wanting something more.
Do you want more? Do you deserve to have happiness? I believe that you do. You will never forget your child. You will always have memories. You are worthy of a joy filled life.
I have been on this journey two times. If you want to learn more on how I found joy, please schedule a time to chat. Let’s make a plan on how to live with your loss and find peace and happiness.
Schedule a free consultation with Peggy.
